the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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