why didn't you poke me back
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His nipple licking is glorious
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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