im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
