For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
