Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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