I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I intend to get homeless drunk
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You're like the curious george of whores
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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