he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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