i can't believe i had my finger in that
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
