Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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