I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize