if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
