She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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