who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
