he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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