When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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