I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
