You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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