i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
