OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
