I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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