pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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