Umm I'm too high to move.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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