I puked a lego.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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