now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize