There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
