sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
