I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
