i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
