if you like me you must not know who I am
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My bed smells like the plague
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
