our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
