Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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