im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
