After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
