Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize