My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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