Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All the doctor said was why
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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