I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
