If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
