i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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