Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
