she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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