We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
