Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
