The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
