Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you never un-have a 4some
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
