Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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