I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
