Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
