just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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