he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
