If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We have so much sex to catch up on
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
