theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bring me that man meat
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
