dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
