they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
