I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
