shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
