Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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