I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
