if you like me you must not know who I am
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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