Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
