break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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