i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
