I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize