you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize