If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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