I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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