That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
