GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
