when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
