You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
