I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
