a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the day after is always just damage control
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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