Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
