If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if only i could text you this smell
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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